February 2007 Political Gags
Relations between France and Britain reached a new low this week after P&O commissioned the building of 2 new Roll-On-Bugger-Off ferries for Channel crossings.
Ken Livingstone says that Government ministers responsible for the £9bn Olympics fiasco should be asked to take part in the games in the Catching the Javelin event.
In order to pay for the 2012 games the Government proposes to change the name of the International Olympic Committee - the I.O.C to the International Olympic Union - the I.O.U.
Following the Oscar win of 'The Last King of Scotland' Hollywood is planning a sequel about the demise of Idi Amin called 'Black Jock Down'.
Boffins at the MOD have developed a new type of invisible face-paint for Prince Harry in Iraq. Trials of the camouflage on John Prescott were reported as 100% successful as he hasn't been seen for months.
The TUC launched a campaign this week to highlight the excessive amount of unpaid overtime in the UK with the slogan "ITS FRIDAY, ITS 5 O'CLOCK, ITS............are you still here ?"
Prince Harry says he is well prepared for being sent into a heavily-armed conflict zone after his regiment, the Blues and Royals, spent a recent Tour of Duty in Peckham, South London.
The Blood Transfusion Service has recruited Stella McCartney, Will Carling and Pete Doherty for a new Ad to encourage donors with the slogan "We’ve got a pint of Stella, a pint of Carling and a pint of Coke".
Environmentalists have warned that sea-level rises around Britain may not be due to global warming but because fat Britons are now officially the heaviest in Europe.
Prince Harry says he is well prepared for Iraq having watched the Army Training Video 'Ginger in a Conflict Zone' - Anne Robinson's story of her time on The Weakest Link.
A new statue of Margaret Thatcher has been created for the House of Commons. The head and body are made of steel as a tribute to the Iron Lady and, for her contribution of the Council Tax, they are connected by a complete Brassneck.
A new green brochure was released this week called 'How to Get Rid of Your Carbon Footprint' written by Al Gore and Shirley McKie.
The Tory revival continued this week after they soared upwards to a record opinion poll rating of 42%. David Cameron responded to the news by saying that not since 1979 at Eton had he ever been so high.
Following the success of Life on Mars the BBC is to commission a new series starring Gillian McKeith called Life on Uranus.
Tony Blair says the recent shooting of children in London is not due to poverty, drugs or crime but must be blamed solely on Iran.
Friends star Jennifer Aniston denies having an abortive nose-job and that she has been suffering since with severe post-nasal depression.
A premature-born baby has been saved this week by using the impotence drug Viagra. Doctors say the normal function of the drug will also prevent him from rolling out of his cot.
Poo analyst Gillian McKeith says she will drop the Dr. from her name and now wishes to be known simply as Gillian McKeech.
David Cameron says child misbehaviour can be blamed directly on absent fathers. The Catholic Church has responded saying there was a significant reduction in the number of priests throwing a sickie this year.
Lawyers for Channel 4 say the episode of Glitzy Tits and Bitchy Fits has ended in a series of Brisky Writs after the Risky Brits.
Poo practitioner Gillian McKeith says she will continue to use Dr. before her name as she is proud of the work contained in her Doctoral Faeces, for which she gained a turd class honours at the University of St. Andrex.
A UNICEF report on child welfare has placed the UK at the bottom of the league. The Government say it is doing all it can to climb back up the table and has asked Portsmouth for permission to speak to Harry Redknapp.
The UNICEF report also claims a lack of sensitivity towards Britain's yobs is causing the youngsters extreme psychological harm in what they describe as the Broody Moody Hoody Syndrome.
Internet shoppers who buy their groceries on-line have complained that for each bag of shopping delivered there are always 15 extra tins of Spam to deal with.
Rangers and Celtic are set to boost season ticket sales by offering free Viagra to OAPs under a scheme called 'Help the Old Firm'.
Jade Goody is planning to release her autobiography in installments via mobile phones. Her book is called The Happy Slapper.
250 new Prison Guards graduated today as Home Office Minister John Reid took the salute at a Slopping-Out Ceremony in Perth.
After another bird-flu scare EU Foreign Ministers vow they will never let Turkey into Europe.
Ken Livingstone says that Government ministers responsible for the £9bn Olympics fiasco should be asked to take part in the games in the Catching the Javelin event.
In order to pay for the 2012 games the Government proposes to change the name of the International Olympic Committee - the I.O.C to the International Olympic Union - the I.O.U.
Following the Oscar win of 'The Last King of Scotland' Hollywood is planning a sequel about the demise of Idi Amin called 'Black Jock Down'.
Boffins at the MOD have developed a new type of invisible face-paint for Prince Harry in Iraq. Trials of the camouflage on John Prescott were reported as 100% successful as he hasn't been seen for months.
The TUC launched a campaign this week to highlight the excessive amount of unpaid overtime in the UK with the slogan "ITS FRIDAY, ITS 5 O'CLOCK, ITS............are you still here ?"
Prince Harry says he is well prepared for being sent into a heavily-armed conflict zone after his regiment, the Blues and Royals, spent a recent Tour of Duty in Peckham, South London.
The Blood Transfusion Service has recruited Stella McCartney, Will Carling and Pete Doherty for a new Ad to encourage donors with the slogan "We’ve got a pint of Stella, a pint of Carling and a pint of Coke".
Environmentalists have warned that sea-level rises around Britain may not be due to global warming but because fat Britons are now officially the heaviest in Europe.
Prince Harry says he is well prepared for Iraq having watched the Army Training Video 'Ginger in a Conflict Zone' - Anne Robinson's story of her time on The Weakest Link.
A new statue of Margaret Thatcher has been created for the House of Commons. The head and body are made of steel as a tribute to the Iron Lady and, for her contribution of the Council Tax, they are connected by a complete Brassneck.
A new green brochure was released this week called 'How to Get Rid of Your Carbon Footprint' written by Al Gore and Shirley McKie.
The Tory revival continued this week after they soared upwards to a record opinion poll rating of 42%. David Cameron responded to the news by saying that not since 1979 at Eton had he ever been so high.
Following the success of Life on Mars the BBC is to commission a new series starring Gillian McKeith called Life on Uranus.
Tony Blair says the recent shooting of children in London is not due to poverty, drugs or crime but must be blamed solely on Iran.
Friends star Jennifer Aniston denies having an abortive nose-job and that she has been suffering since with severe post-nasal depression.
A premature-born baby has been saved this week by using the impotence drug Viagra. Doctors say the normal function of the drug will also prevent him from rolling out of his cot.
Poo analyst Gillian McKeith says she will drop the Dr. from her name and now wishes to be known simply as Gillian McKeech.
David Cameron says child misbehaviour can be blamed directly on absent fathers. The Catholic Church has responded saying there was a significant reduction in the number of priests throwing a sickie this year.
Lawyers for Channel 4 say the episode of Glitzy Tits and Bitchy Fits has ended in a series of Brisky Writs after the Risky Brits.
Poo practitioner Gillian McKeith says she will continue to use Dr. before her name as she is proud of the work contained in her Doctoral Faeces, for which she gained a turd class honours at the University of St. Andrex.
A UNICEF report on child welfare has placed the UK at the bottom of the league. The Government say it is doing all it can to climb back up the table and has asked Portsmouth for permission to speak to Harry Redknapp.
The UNICEF report also claims a lack of sensitivity towards Britain's yobs is causing the youngsters extreme psychological harm in what they describe as the Broody Moody Hoody Syndrome.
Internet shoppers who buy their groceries on-line have complained that for each bag of shopping delivered there are always 15 extra tins of Spam to deal with.
Rangers and Celtic are set to boost season ticket sales by offering free Viagra to OAPs under a scheme called 'Help the Old Firm'.
Jade Goody is planning to release her autobiography in installments via mobile phones. Her book is called The Happy Slapper.
250 new Prison Guards graduated today as Home Office Minister John Reid took the salute at a Slopping-Out Ceremony in Perth.
After another bird-flu scare EU Foreign Ministers vow they will never let Turkey into Europe.
- OK brother, Osama Bin Laden wishes you infinite glory on this mission against the infidels and if you are intercepted by the CIA or MI5 you must swallow immediately this pill.
- Yes, brother, what is it ? Cyanide, Arsenic, Polonium 210?
- No, its a Turkey Twizzler.
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