December 2006 Political Gags
Psychiatrists have discovered a new illness which is described as a fear of outdoor sex known as Viagraphobia.
Following the Polonium 2.10 poisoning, Michael Barrymore was rushed to hospital with radiation sickness after swallowing some Palladium 7.30 in order to revive his career.
Pakistan claims India has tested an atomic bomb following the sighting of a mushroom pakora cloud in Kashmir.
Jack McConnell says he is delighted to be the first to second the third Forth-firth road bridge.
Ex-player John Brown has been denied a visa to follow Rangers in Israel after he admitted that in the 1980’s he was the Souey-side Bomber.
AC Milan fans have come up with a new chant to counter any on-field aggression from Bobo Balde by singing “Berlusconi Get Yae”.
The Palestinian Liberation Group says they will welcome Rangers to the middle-east, and anyone else with PLG written on their backs.
Vladimir Romanov has dismissed claims that he is laundering money in Hearts by saying they have not kept a clean sheet in months and his players refuse to tumble in the box.
Donald Rumsfeld has appealed for clemency for Saddam Hussein saying he deserves a fate worse than death and should be reappointed immediately as President of Iraq.
Scottish Enterprise has released a DVD to help local companies avoid pitfalls when competing in Europe. The DVD lasts 90 minutes with a foreword by Gordon Strachan.
Following the revelation that Glasgow Council leader Steven Purcell is gay, LibDem MSPs have announced that they are going straight.
A new Glaswegian on-line auction site for unwanted tat given as Christmas presents was launched this week called Jo-Bay.
Scientists have confirmed that this year’s first sightings of the Northern Lights were false and were put down to Aberdeen manager Jimmy Calderwood out hill-walking.
A Scottish Executive report into sex trafficking has revealed immigrants are being used as Pole dancers and Lapp dancers.
Farepak campaigners have said they will do all they can to hamper a HBOS champagne party in Edinburgh.
Following the death of the dictator General Pinochet a chef in a Mexican restaurant has created a new dish in his memory called Chile con Carnage.
Sir Paul McCartney is to contest claims of domestic abuse by claiming he has never had a hit in 15 years and his last 3 efforts have really failed to set the Heather on fire.
Gordon Brown is said to be delighted with new adviser Al Gore’s first recommendation of a mass inoculation of the British public against TB.
Environmentalists have identified office toilets as a target for reducing carbon emissions. George Bush has responded by saying he will cut Whitehouse Out-house Greenhouse gases.
Gordon Strachan says it is now unlikely that David Beckham will sign for Celtic following his gaffe when he thought Posh Spice was putting sea-salt and balsamic vinegar on your chips.
The row over Fat Cat salaries surfaced again this week after the director of the GHA asked to be placed on a JK Rolling contract.
Manchester City footballer Joey Barton, who exposed his rear end to Everton fans, has expressed his relief at the lightness of his sentence saying he was over the moon.
A thief who stole 100 Blackberry PDAs, 300 Apple computers and 200 Orange mobiles has been constantly on the run since Police pressed charges against him.
Following the success of a cartoon about the life of John Paul II the Vatican is to release another animation about the relationship between Cardinal Winning and the current Pope. The cartoon is to be called Tom & Jerry.
Tony Blair has denied tampering with a report into the wearing of veils in schools following accusations of a cover up.
The Pope has denied causing offence on his visit to Turkey by asking for a Madonna kebab for his lunch.
Scientists have warned of the unintended consequences of global warming following the news that the Arctic Monkeys have split.
A Green Party Ceilidh to raise funds against deforestation descended into violence during an extended version of Strip the Willow.
Following shock poverty figures in Glasgow pop diva Madonna has strongly denied claims she is to adopt a baby from Shettleston.
Tony Blair claims that Britain will not be allowed to become a nuclear waste dumping ground following the burial of Alexander Litvinenko in a North London cemetery.
Forensic scientists carrying out the post-mortem on poisoned Russian Spy Alexander Litvinenko have strongly denied finding traces of Scottish farmed salmon in his blood.
John Le Carré is to release a new spy novel called Tinker, Tailor, Sushi, Die.
Downing Street has acknowledged that half of New Labour have been recruited by the KGB. It is a new pressure group called Keep-out Gordon Brown.
The Western Isles Council has sanctioned the re-naming of a Stornoway street as a tribute to schoolgirl Molly Campbell. The street is to be called Misbah Rana Way.
Holyrood has passed a bill stating that all new Public toilets will have to be built using PPP.
The Pope has denied causing offence on his visit to Turkey by asking for a Madonna kebab for his lunch.
David Milliband and Peter Mandelson have been accused of interfering in the Misbah Rana controversy in what has become known as the Milly-Molly-Mandy affair.
Following the Polonium 2.10 poisoning, Michael Barrymore was rushed to hospital with radiation sickness after swallowing some Palladium 7.30 in order to revive his career.
Pakistan claims India has tested an atomic bomb following the sighting of a mushroom pakora cloud in Kashmir.
Jack McConnell says he is delighted to be the first to second the third Forth-firth road bridge.
Ex-player John Brown has been denied a visa to follow Rangers in Israel after he admitted that in the 1980’s he was the Souey-side Bomber.
AC Milan fans have come up with a new chant to counter any on-field aggression from Bobo Balde by singing “Berlusconi Get Yae”.
The Palestinian Liberation Group says they will welcome Rangers to the middle-east, and anyone else with PLG written on their backs.
Vladimir Romanov has dismissed claims that he is laundering money in Hearts by saying they have not kept a clean sheet in months and his players refuse to tumble in the box.
Donald Rumsfeld has appealed for clemency for Saddam Hussein saying he deserves a fate worse than death and should be reappointed immediately as President of Iraq.
Scottish Enterprise has released a DVD to help local companies avoid pitfalls when competing in Europe. The DVD lasts 90 minutes with a foreword by Gordon Strachan.
Following the revelation that Glasgow Council leader Steven Purcell is gay, LibDem MSPs have announced that they are going straight.
A new Glaswegian on-line auction site for unwanted tat given as Christmas presents was launched this week called Jo-Bay.
Scientists have confirmed that this year’s first sightings of the Northern Lights were false and were put down to Aberdeen manager Jimmy Calderwood out hill-walking.
A Scottish Executive report into sex trafficking has revealed immigrants are being used as Pole dancers and Lapp dancers.
Farepak campaigners have said they will do all they can to hamper a HBOS champagne party in Edinburgh.
Following the death of the dictator General Pinochet a chef in a Mexican restaurant has created a new dish in his memory called Chile con Carnage.
Sir Paul McCartney is to contest claims of domestic abuse by claiming he has never had a hit in 15 years and his last 3 efforts have really failed to set the Heather on fire.
Gordon Brown is said to be delighted with new adviser Al Gore’s first recommendation of a mass inoculation of the British public against TB.
Environmentalists have identified office toilets as a target for reducing carbon emissions. George Bush has responded by saying he will cut Whitehouse Out-house Greenhouse gases.
Gordon Strachan says it is now unlikely that David Beckham will sign for Celtic following his gaffe when he thought Posh Spice was putting sea-salt and balsamic vinegar on your chips.
The row over Fat Cat salaries surfaced again this week after the director of the GHA asked to be placed on a JK Rolling contract.
Manchester City footballer Joey Barton, who exposed his rear end to Everton fans, has expressed his relief at the lightness of his sentence saying he was over the moon.
A thief who stole 100 Blackberry PDAs, 300 Apple computers and 200 Orange mobiles has been constantly on the run since Police pressed charges against him.
Following the success of a cartoon about the life of John Paul II the Vatican is to release another animation about the relationship between Cardinal Winning and the current Pope. The cartoon is to be called Tom & Jerry.
Tony Blair has denied tampering with a report into the wearing of veils in schools following accusations of a cover up.
The Pope has denied causing offence on his visit to Turkey by asking for a Madonna kebab for his lunch.
Scientists have warned of the unintended consequences of global warming following the news that the Arctic Monkeys have split.
A Green Party Ceilidh to raise funds against deforestation descended into violence during an extended version of Strip the Willow.
Following shock poverty figures in Glasgow pop diva Madonna has strongly denied claims she is to adopt a baby from Shettleston.
Tony Blair claims that Britain will not be allowed to become a nuclear waste dumping ground following the burial of Alexander Litvinenko in a North London cemetery.
Forensic scientists carrying out the post-mortem on poisoned Russian Spy Alexander Litvinenko have strongly denied finding traces of Scottish farmed salmon in his blood.
John Le Carré is to release a new spy novel called Tinker, Tailor, Sushi, Die.
Downing Street has acknowledged that half of New Labour have been recruited by the KGB. It is a new pressure group called Keep-out Gordon Brown.
The Western Isles Council has sanctioned the re-naming of a Stornoway street as a tribute to schoolgirl Molly Campbell. The street is to be called Misbah Rana Way.
Holyrood has passed a bill stating that all new Public toilets will have to be built using PPP.
The Pope has denied causing offence on his visit to Turkey by asking for a Madonna kebab for his lunch.
David Milliband and Peter Mandelson have been accused of interfering in the Misbah Rana controversy in what has become known as the Milly-Molly-Mandy affair.
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